MY Vipassana Experience
ADVENTUREPERSONAL GROWTH
1. The Distraction
At the end of the light dinner, the manager (a volunteer, like everyone else at the centre) called the roll to check that everyone was present. Hearing a name with Hispanic sounds, I turned around out of curiosity, and that’s when I saw her: Carolina.
To give you some context: three or four days earlier, while we were still in Tauranga, Dani and I had lunch at a lovely little vegan café after a hike. The first thing I noticed upon entering was a person in deep meditation, with a left arm covered in nautical tattoos. When she stood up to take our order and I met her multicoloured gaze, my heart stopped—the kind of scene that makes you stammer and feel like a twelve-year-old meeting their older sister’s new girlfriend and being all starstruck.
The next day, I decided to return, looking a bit more presentable, hoping to see her again, but I couldn’t make it. Juliette then joked, saying that if it was meant to be, she’d be waiting for me at the Vipassana Centre, 300 km away.
I never imagined she could be right.
Back to the Dhamma Medini Centre.
I heard the name Carolina; I saw her, and my heart started racing. Having only briefly observed her in the café, I needed to confirm her identity. I then prayed that if it was her, I’d be sent a sign and that when we’d be called in a specific order to take our assigned seats in the meditation hall, she’d be just before or after me. And then I heard: “Carolina, Melissa.”
I was shaking. I stood up and followed her, planning to ask for confirmation.
But it was raining, so she was walking quickly and seemed already focused. Plus, I’m shy.
So, I decided to wait until after the presentation to ask her before we went to bed, as the first day of imposed silence started the next day.
In the meditation hall, I looked for the label with my name and ended up on the cushion next to hers. The voice of S.N. Goenka rang out, leading us to take an oath:
For the duration of the course…
I will not kill any living being
I will not steal
I will not lie
I will abstain from any sexual activity
I will not consume any intoxicating substances
And, most importantly:
From now on, I will observe Noble Silence (of body, speech, and mind).
Ah. That was it, I couldn’t speak anymore. Which means I was going to spend the next ten days wondering if Carolina was indeed my crush from Tauranga. Good thing we were doing this to avoid any distractions; I was off to a great start!
2. The Schedule
The first day began with the sound of the gong at 4 am.
By 4:30, everyone had to be seated in the hall or their room, depending on their preference (since it was still night and a bit cold, I would always stay in my room, under a blanket). Until 6:30, we’d follow the instructions given the night before, observing the breath without trying to alter it. Needless to say, I nodded off more than once.
Next came breakfast and free time until 8 am. Since we couldn’t bring anything to distract us (no books, writing materials, etc.), I used this time to do some yoga and then go back to bed.
At 8 am, there was a group meditation in the hall until 9 am. After that, according to the teacher’s instructions, we either continued on-site with them or returned to our rooms if we preferred (which I always did, as it was more comfortable with a wall to lean against).
We’d continue until 11 am, and then came the much-anticipated lunch.
This might seem off-topic, but honestly, it was the best part of the day, the one we all looked forward to. The food was absolutely AMAZING. Super varied vegetarian dishes with vegan and gluten-free options, and it was excellent. When you know that the people cooking are volunteers, you appreciate it even more.
Since we were free until 1 pm, I’d take a little walk in the forest, visiting the fairies, the countless species of ferns, and my friend, the hugging tree. There were also glowworms nestled on the rock walls, but you could only see them after nightfall. Then, another little nap to be able to focus all afternoon.
From 1 to 2:30 pm, it was back to self-guided meditation.
Then, we’d gather for an hour of group meditation, followed by more self-guided meditation until 5 pm.
Then came the tea break, with just fruit and tea, which for me became the most hectic time of the day, as I’d use it to work out (in my room, so as not to disturb anyone) to warm up before taking a shower at this relatively quiet time.
At 6 pm, another hour of group meditation preceded more than an hour of discourse.
These speeches (which I listened to alongside Carolina and two others in the dining room, translated into our mother tongues) are the theoretical teachings transmitted and recorded by S.N. Goenka to explain in depth what Vipassana is, its history, and its application.
Then, we’d join the others in the meditation hall until 9 pm. From there, those with questions were free to stay and publicly converse with the teacher. But after 10 hours of meditation starting at dawn, believe me, I wouldn’t linger. By 9:07 pm, I was usually in bed, and the day was over.
3. The Teaching
It’s divided into two parts:
The Theory
We’d explore it every evening during the discourses by S.N. Goenka. First of all, who is this so-called Goenka?
He is the one responsible for the global spread of Vipassana.
Vipassana is a technique that has existed for millennia but was rediscovered by Siddhartha Gautama, known as the Buddha. It’s important to understand that the title Buddha can apply to any awakened and completely liberated being.
There have been various Buddhas throughout history—one of the most famous being Jesus of Nazareth—and there will be many more.
At the age of 35, Siddhartha Gautama reached enlightenment and realised that we are all composed of tiny particles, just like the entire universe, and that these particles continuously die and are reborn. Such a revelation, if understood and concretely integrated, can be revolutionary for everyone’s life and well-being. Gautama then began to teach the Dhamma, the law of the Universe, and to share the Vipassana technique, which is self-transformation through self-observation.
Each evening, we'd listen to recordings of S.N. Goenka transmitting the Buddha’s teachings. He repeatedly emphasised that Vipassana is simply a meditation technique and is not affiliated with any religion (it has nothing to do with Buddhism). Gautama himself didn’t want to be associated with any religion; he didn’t condemn them but preferred to prioritise the pure and tangible practice of Vipassana. This is why we were asked to set aside any religious, spiritual, or esoteric practices, to free ourselves from all distractions and give the technique a real chance.
We were taught sīla, moral conduct, which we applied by following the various precepts mentioned at the beginning. It served as the foundation for the development of samādhi, concentration of the mind, which we actively worked on for the first four days. Then came paññā, the wisdom acquired through personal, concrete experience.
Because that’s what Vipassana is: integrating the reality of impermanence through personal experience, not merely through intellectualisation or trust in someone’s word. It’s a pragmatic learning process that you experience within your own body.
The Practice
It starts with Anapana, which involves observing your breath without attempting to alter it during the first four days. In theory, you meditate for 10 hours a day, but the truth is that the mind wanders constantly. That’s normal; you need to accept it and show compassion towards yourself. Each time you realise you have drifted, simply redirect your focus back to the breath, with a great deal of calmness and kindness. Then, over the days, the area of observation is reduced, training the brain and sharpening concentration.
On the fourth day, once the whirlwind of incessant thoughts has been somewhat calmed by the mind, you can truly begin Vipassana.
From that point onwards, you must do your best to remain completely still during the three group meditation sessions in the hall (which, as a reminder, are spread throughout the day).
The technique changes; after training the mind to remain still, you’re now asked to scan the entire body. The aim is to observe and become aware of all sensations, whatever they may be, without reacting to them.
Two significant lessons are then drawn from this:
Anicca
Everything is impermanent. Everything dies and is reborn continuously, including us. It’s good to know this, but with Vipassan, you actually feel it. The sensations, whether tingling, pain, energy waves, or otherwise, continuously appear in one spot, and then disappear. They may then return or move, completely at random, constantly. They mirror our realities, our personalities, and our lives.
Equanimity
Whatever the sensation, whether pleasant or unpleasant, intense or mild, you merely observe it. No reaction, you simply become a witness to this evolving reality.
Equanimity, as defined by Goenka, is "a balanced mind, free from craving and aversion." According to Vipassana practice, these are the two main sources of negativity and suffering.
The practice aims to purify all the accumulated impurities over time, embedded within ourselves—Saṅkhāras. Goenka explains that each time you react to a situation with craving (which can turn into jealousy, frustration, or a sense of lack if you don’t get what you want), or aversion (which can generate anger, hatred, or resentment), you program your brain to react the same way to any similar situation. And each time this occurs, the Saṅkhāras become even more deeply rooted.
When you remain equanimous in the face of various sensations, simply observing them objectively and allowing them to dissipate and then be reborn, and then dissipate again, you develop patience and gradually envelop yourself in a reassuring peace. I know that what I am experiencing is only temporary, like the four seasons. There is no point in clinging to Spring; I can simply enjoy it knowing that it will end, just as Winter will only be temporary, play its role, and once again give way to gentle Spring.
Then, after a few days of maintaining this equanimity, the old Saṅkhāras rise, causing new sensations and eventually being released.
Many people thus find themselves freed from pains they had crystallised for several years without finding the cause, and are swept by the most pleasant waves of energy.
The course ends with Mettā, the meditation of love and compassion, which soothes the intense work done on the mind. It aims to embody true peace, harmony, and happiness and to share it with all beings.
4. MY Vipassana
Well, that’s how it goes for most people. And I noticed that the change had been revolutionary for my fellow participants who shared their experiences on the last day.
I, however, experienced the whole thing in reverse.
When you move on to Vipassana and the observation of sensations throughout the body, you’re supposed to only feel the coarser sensations at first, such as pain from immobility, some tingling, and possibly the breath. Then, increasingly subtle sensations are meant to appear over the days, until you can almost only feel these subtle sensations and scan the entire body in a single wave of energy.
But I immediately felt all the subtle sensations and could easily move this wave of warmth throughout my body. Then, around the seventh or eighth day, when everyone else was just beginning to reach that stage, I suddenly felt an intense pain in my back, which persisted until a week after the retreat ended.
It was a bit frustrating. I know it was because I had dislodged deeply buried Saṅkhāras, and so it was a hidden gift, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant.
On the penultimate day, I had one of the most delightful experiences. Following the instructions of the day, I managed to shift my attention from one shoulder to the other, feeling sensations even within my chest as I “crossed” it. I noticed the particles moving as my mind scanned my body. With continued practice, I felt that if I kept going, I would eventually be able to teleport. It was extraordinary.
Another thing I experienced differently from most was the absence of magic.
I had committed to performing no rituals, no prayers, no affirmations, to bringing no decks of cards or crystals, and after a few days, I realised that I missed all of it. Not out of guilt or devotion to any particular faith, but simply because I noticed I was becoming increasingly sad.
The silence was fine; I was perfectly content with that. But all my practices of personal development and other rituals bring me deep joy. I had found a balance that suited me, which aligned with my soul’s callings and adapted to my needs and daily desires. And having to give up all these tools and habits left a small void. Fortunately, I could still walk in the forest and talk to the fairies and trees, but it wasn’t quite enough.
So, when my back pain set in after a tiring week of waking up at 4 a.m. and meditating for 10 hours a day, and it combined with this small sadness caused by the lack of magic, well, it started to become a bit much.
5. My Conclusion
Vipassana is a powerful tool that can help many people and deserves to be widely spread. It wasn’t the best fit for me personally because I already have a whole array of techniques, practices, and habits that satisfy and help me maintain balance and harmony.
But for someone more pragmatic who prefers what is concrete and down-to-earth, this technique is ideal. There is no need to believe in anything; just observe what happens within your own body and remain equanimous, while respecting simple moral principles aimed at the well-being and good coexistence of everyone. That’s all. The rest happens on its own. Over time, you learn to remain equanimous in life, and then you approach every new situation much more serenely.
And, since you have integrated the reality of Anicca through experience, it becomes easier to put things into perspective, to be in the present moment, without trying to anticipate the future or dwell on the past. And just that is enough to fully embody your reality and align with the synchronicities of the present moment with much more fluidity.
My conclusion, therefore, is that if it intrigues you, go for it. I know soooo many people who would benefit from this experience!
Moreover, everything is based on the principle of the purest sharing, as the entire staff ensuring the smooth running of the courses is volunteer-based, and participation is free! The costs incurred are covered by donations from former students whose lives have been transformed and who wish to contribute to the spread of Vipassana so that others can benefit in turn. It is even impossible to donate before having at least completed a 10-day course and witnessed the benefits of the technique for yourself.
Everything is done with great kindness.
For example, on the fourth evening, I was surprised to find a cup of tea in front of my door with the note, "Dear M., everything will be okay ❤︎". The day had been long, and I was seriously questioning what I was doing there. The manager said she had sensed it and wanted to help me make it through to the end (hence the small gesture).
Kindness, I tell you.
The presence of such centres (with the one in New Zealand being among the most comfortable, I reckon) is a real blessing, and I can only encourage anyone who feels the call to give it a try.
6. Bonus: the Gossip Corner
Well, in case you’re wondering if Carolina was indeed my crush from Tauranga…
As the Universe never does things by halves, it turned out she was staying in the room right next to mine (obviously). It even seemed that our rhythms were in sync: I bumped into her absolutely everywhere during our free time, and we were among the only ones who immediately went outside to meditate whenever the sun made an appearance (it was the middle of winter). I could feel her presence every time she entered a room without needing to look up or step out of the shower to check.
I can’t even begin to tell you the daydreams I indulged in… With 10 hours a day to meditate, I had plenty of time to let my mind wander.
On the second day, our eyes met, and I became even more convinced of her identity. But during a small group session with the teacher, I heard her speak to him (he and the manager were the only people we were allowed to communicate with) and noticed a strong accent that she hadn’t had in the café. Dang.
But all my doubts vanished when, after an hour of still meditation, she stretched and revealed her left arm, covered in nautical tattoos. It was her indeed.
In the end, Carolina became my practical lesson of Anicca and my real-life practice of equanimity:
At first, I couldn’t stop thinking about our reunion at the end of the retreat, fantasising about a life together, etc., feeling frustrated by the wait, impatient. I was full of desire, anticipating, and creating a thousand scenarios in my head.
Then, as the days passed and fatigue set in, I stopped idealising her and began to notice little habits of hers that irritated me. I started thinking that maybe she already had someone and that I should stop imagining a future with her. I shifted to a state of aversion, almost resenting her for having the boyfriend I imagined for her and for dragging her feet so loudly.
It was fascinating to observe this whole evolution, which was nothing more than the practical application of everything I was learning with Goenka. I trained myself to remain equanimous, to stop overthinking, and to simply be present in the moment. To rediscover the peace and security that the here and now brings.
When the ninth day came, and we were told we could now communicate, I rushed into the forest. I had found refuge in silence and wanted to stay there a bit longer.
Then I sat at a table in the sun for lunch, and Carolina sat down opposite me, with a friend of hers. The table filled up, and we started sharing our experiences. Finally, Carolina looked me straight in the eyes and said:
“You know, you’ve really been my rock! Thank you for the strength you gave me; whenever I was struggling, I would look at you and draw from your energy! You truly inspired me, and since we were always in sync with catching the sun, I knew right away we’d get along well!”
Well, Mélissa, ever so direct, even in front of a full table, responded:
“Well, actually, you’ve been my main distraction! You do work at a vegan café in Tauranga, right?” (She nodded.) “I saw you there 3-4 days before coming here, and I had a massive crush on you!” I then recounted everything I detailed above, the message from Juliette, and when I recognised her, etc.
“But it’s crazy, all these signs! And how the Universe makes sure to bring back into your life someone you wanted to start a friendship with!”
The conclusion is that, in fact, there’s absolutely no chemistry between us, and what’s more (as I had begun to suspect during the last few days), Carolina has a partner.
But in hindsight, it’s really funny to see how the mind creates worlds and wonders, especially when synchronicities show up to fuel it, and it has plenty of free time.
So, that was my Vipassana experience. If it piqued your interest, I encourage you to do some research—there’s very likely a centre in your country.
Thank you for reliving this somewhat unusual adventure with me.
❂ Mettā ❂
Vipassana. What can I say?
It's now been three weeks since I completed this meditation retreat, and I'm still processing it.
I’ll try to share this experience with you as I, Melissa, lived it in all its aspects.
If you're only interested in the concrete teachings of Vipassana, I invite you to skip straight to the third section, thus avoiding my personal adventures and feelings!
Before leaving, all I knew was that I would have to remain silent for about ten days and wake up at 4:30 in the morning to meditate for ten hours a day in a centre surrounded by Nature. Naturally (if you know me), I had a small hope of having psychedelic visions, hearing the voice of Gautama Buddha or some other ascended master, but beyond that, I didn’t know what to expect.
So, I arrived at the (still noisy) centre in the late afternoon, to have a small welcome meal, and receive an introduction to the course.
